To approach a person you are interested in and to make the first move is somewhat overwhelming.
Particularly, if you have self-esteem issues, For which the process can be nerve-wracking. The fear of rejection plays a significant role in making someone feel this way, and approaching the opposite gender has been a job long left for the men to undertake.
However, in this day and age, it is common for women to make the first move, and not only this but also do so in a manner to suggest they have been doing it longer than men.
In as much as it is different from the norm, people should acknowledge it and be less taken aback by this new development.
Steps to asking a guy to come over
If there is a guy you have been eyeing and would like to invite to your place.
These are some of the guidelines you can use to ensure he makes it there without making you look needy or too desperate.
• Get to know the guy first.
First and foremost, it would do you good to know the type of person you want to bring home. Take your time to know the guy if it is somebody you have just met or someone you know little about.
You wouldn’t want to bring a violent or abusive person to your home, especially if it is just you two.
Talk to each other earnestly, be it through text or face to face, until you are sure that the person you choose is right for you and lacks toxic traits.
• Know your intentions
You should know where you stand in all of this. Ask yourself what do you want to get out of this person.
Is it just fun, are you looking for something serious, or is it just a friendly type of get-together.
Knowing where your intentions lie is imperative to safeguarding your happiness.
Having a grasp on what you want will keep you in check and put you back on track whenever you lose sight of the bigger picture.
For example, going into this for fun, but you end up catching feelings. With such mixed priorities, you will end up in conflict with yourself, and it will ruin whatever it is you had started.
• Start slow
As with most things, it is always best to start things slow.
It is better to ease into the conversation rather than going straight to the point. If you go straight to the topic, it could come off as being too pushy or straightforward.
It is always advisable to start conversing on a topic you both can relate to. Be it through texts or an actual meeting
to help avoid that awkward silence or a single person monologuing.
Moreover, starting slow will make it easier to speak your mind with ease and confidence. The openness sets up the chance for asking the big question.
• Don’t panic
In whatever situation you find yourself in, you must keep your calm and remain composed at all times. Even if it makes you feel uneasy, always try not to panic, but stay calm and collected.
The same applies to approaching anyone you have an interest in. Always try to exude confidence even though you might not feel quite as reassured.
The feeling of panic can throw you off completely. It can erase everything you had initially planned to say and leave you looking unprepared. Worst, leave you speechless.
Whatever you have to say, make sure you do with utmost certainty and conviction. Do not let the guy doubt you at any point.
• Be polite
You might have the perfect choice of words to say to the person in question, but always bear in mind that it is not what you say but how you say it.
How you express yourself will determine the success or failure of what you have set out to do.
Addressing someone in a respectful tone, free from criticism and sarcasm, will lead them to gravitate towards you.
Politeness is a plus because you want to make a good impression on the other person and make them like you. Politeness will also likely make the response positive because of how you conversed with them.
• Flirt and drop hints
When communicating with each other, make sure to drop subtle hints that the guy can pick up.
Flirt a little to make him aware that what you have could be more and that you are not scared but willing.
Subtle hints are precursors to an intriguing conversation. Moreover, they will make the guy a little more interested in seeing where a conversation with you can lead to.
Guys also like to be needed and be important, so an easy trick is to ask him to help you with something if you cannot flirt all that well.
• Gauge his interest
The above tip will depend on whether the type of communication is verbal or through text.
When talking to somebody face-to-face, it is easy to read their facial cues and body language. Assess their responses to what you just said and deduce whether the guy is interested in you or not. Avoiding eye contact, being uneasy and fidgeting are just some of the indicators that he is not interested in you.
When texting, bland and late replies are an indicator of disinterest. If the guy applies effort, you can always notice. Moreover, you should monitor whether he tries to be there for you or not.
When you notice you are not a priority, then as much as it will hurt you, it is best not to continue pursuing this person to secure your happiness.
• Just ask them
When you have done all this and feel as though you are still hell-bent on inviting the guy over, then it is time for the big question.
Before asking, make sure to lead with questions or jokes that lighten the mood and creates a safe space for you to ask them.
The universal law is that: if you don’t ask, you don’t get it. So muster courage and ask them to pass by your place when he is free or give him a day and time and wait for a reaction.
• If it does not work, do not force it
Once you ask the person to come to your place, what you do next is very important. If you had texted him asking him to come over, then do not add any other text until he replies.
The same applies to face-to-face communication. Once you’ve asked the question, keep quiet and watch out for the guy’s reaction and response.
Continually asking the same question over and over is considered nagging and may throw the person off. All progress you might have made will go down the drain.
However long it takes, keeps your cool and let him reply at his own time.
• Know your worth
Regardless of the answer the guy gives, always remember that your self-worth is not pegged on someone else’s opinion about you but rather on your perception of yourself.
If the answer given is negative, there is no need to sulk and wallow in sadness, but keep your head high and brush it off.
Moreover, ask yourself if someone you weren’t fond of asked you the same question, would you agree?
Put yourself in that situation and react rationally with all feelings aside.
• Accept the answer
Acceptance is one of the hardest things to do, especially if there is rejection involved.
Do not lose hope, or should you think any less of yourself.
That is just a single person, and they shouldn’t hold so much power over your happiness.
Just accept it and look unfazed in his eyes, don’t cave in or show signs of desperation.
If the answer is yes, you have every right to be over the moon because it has worked. Just make sure to keep your intentions in check and remain at ease through it all.
To sum it all up, in this era we live in, anybody can walk up to a person they are fond of and ask them out. The norm has always been the man asking the woman out, but as of now, it doesn’t matter if it is a woman asking a man.
Anyone can tell you that approaching somebody you like is no simple task as it requires a lot of confidence. However, if you are not as strong, you can be bombarded with a feeling of self-doubt, and the fear of rejection can be overwhelming.
Doubt is perfectly normal, and you have to muster enough courage to overcome this.
With the steps mentioned above, it should be a walk in the park to try and ask a guy whether they can show up at your place. Although people are different and how to go about things is subject to change, this simple guide should help you get through any scenario.