Asking out your crush can be a scary prospect. Putting yourself out there, open and with your vulnerabilities pretty much on display, admittedly, is a bit terrifying. Thankfully, with the advent of technology, interacting with others has become almost instantaneous, with instant communication available at the touch of our fingertips. Text messaging is the new, trendy way of making a connection. Granted, there are both positives and negatives regarding using text messages to ask out a crush. It can be an incredibly useful tool but also must be used wisely. Luckily for you, we have done all of the leg work – keep reading to find out exactly how to ask your crush out over a text, and, how to do it in a way that will increase your chances of achieving success.
Try to keep the conversation on the actual topic at hand. Avoid rambling or being too general. You, of course, want to keep the object of your affections’ attention, and obviously, the more you ramble and babble, the more likely your crush is simply going to zone out – making the entire thing moot. Keep it simple and be sure to avoid going off-topic. While still keeping it cool and casual, try to guide the dialogue towards your ultimate subject matter – the date you’re dying to go on with your crush!
Several good things can come from taking a leap of faith right out of the gate. You will not only have relief in getting the nervous awkwardness out of the way, but you will also have the element of surprise on your side. Most people are not expecting others to be straight-up and blunt about what they want, and, if done right, it can be an attractive quality. Not to mention, being bold and upfront with someone shows that you have some courage (Life Tip: Bravery? Always sexy). Once the niceties are dealt with, gather your fortitude and determination, then come right out and ask your question. You just might impress him or her with your forwardness. When you want something, go for it. Am I right?
Keep in mind, though, that there can be a fine line between creepy and complimentary. By all means, starting out the conversation with a nice compliment is a terrific idea but it is super important that you do not overdo it. Gushing over your crush makes you look needy and could very well result in scaring them away. Being pushy is not attractive…on anyone, really. But telling your crush how much you enjoy spending time with them? Not creepy at all and it can be a great way to break the ice.
When we are nervous, it can be easy to get tongue-tied and lack the ability to clearly verbalize as clearly as we might like to. Unfortunately, this can result in your crush not really ‘getting’ the message you are trying to convey. Be straight with them. I like you. This is why I like you. I want to get to know you better. I would like to take you out for x, y, and z. There is nothing worse than a miscommunication where one party considers it a romantic occasion while the other is attending a friendly get together. Be clear and honest about your intentions.
Speaking of being specific, before you even consider writing out that text, and definitely before you hit ‘send’, everything should be well-planned and organized in advance – the message content as well as the details of the actual date itself. This way, when he or she agrees to the date (and why wouldn’t they? You’re awesome!), they will have a clear understanding of what they are agreeing to. Also, being assertive and working out the fine details before popping the question, shows that you are serious about your inquiry and spending time with them.
Being prepared for possible rejection can help to alleviate some of the fear of living it. It is always possible that your crush might not be interested, but it is not something that should be taken personally. There are a wide range of reasons for rejection, the majority of which honestly probably has nothing to do with you. Prepare yourself for all outcomes before you even consider asking and never play the blame game. Rejection happens to everyone and it shouldn’t be taken personally. Pull up your bootstraps and move on – it’s not that serious.
Personalizing the conversation will make your crush feel special – that they, personally, are actually being thought of. Whether it be opening with a quip about a movie that you know he/she likes or recalling a prior conversation when making plans, it will help break the ice and show how thoughtful and caring you are. It also shows that your interest in your crush is genuine.
I know, I know, nobody likes a grammar nazi, but spelling mistakes look sloppy and rushed. Since you are already doing this over text message, instead of in person, it can’t hurt to put a little extra thought into it. Not unlike a professional job interview, putting consideration into your presentation shows that you can, and should, be taken seriously. Don’t go overboard with it because that would be kind of weird but you should certainly make it look good. First impressions are everything and this could be the start of something bootiful…er, beautiful (just kidding!).
If he or she does not respond right away – for the love of everything – don’t freak out. This is such a common and avoidable mistake! You most definitely do not want to come across as too overeager. People have lives and aren’t always able to respond right away. This also applies to your responses. Keep the lengths of the messages around the same as your crushes. If they reply with a few sentences, you don’t want to ramble on for 3 pages.
When you are unsure of yourself, it unfortunately shows. Which, while not great for your self-esteem, could really make or break your chances of getting that date with your crush. Even if you aren’t actually feeling super confident, do your best to fake it. If need be, psych yourself up before writing the text, write out a draft on paper, whatever you might need to do to make yourself feel more comfortable interacting with your crush. Confidence, or lack thereof, can definitely affect the outcome of your question.
A few Extra Tips to Help You Land That Date (And, Make It Count):
• Be Consistent: Once that first text message has been sent out, all is not done. Be sure to keep in contact with your crush. Send a short message every now and then. A simple ‘I am looking forward to seeing you’ would suffice.
• Offer to Negotiate: Although you have already planned out the small details of your date (or you should have!), be open to changing things around to better suit your crush. If there’s a movie that they have been wanting to see, don’t be afraid to ask if they’d rather do that instead.
• Put the Phone Away: Once the date has started, your attention should be on your crush. Now is the time to put the phone down and focus on your (hopefully, soon-to-be) partner. Focus and avoid any phone-shaped distractions.
• Don’t Forget to Follow Up: Once you say goodnight and walk away, while the date might be over, the effort needed to be put into it is not. Don’t forget to follow up with your crush. A quick message stating that you hope that they had a good time and would like to do it again should be sent before heading to bed for the night. It will tie the entire night, and date, up with a nice, neat bow.
• Commit…or Don’t: By the end of the first date, most people know if it is something that they are, at least, interested in pursuing. If it didn’t go well and you are not interested in continuing seeing your crush, make that known. Don’t string people along but don’t be a jerk about it.
As the great Mark Twain once so poignantly said, “Necessity is the mother of taking chances.” When you stop to really think about it, taking the risks is what makes life truly worth living. Think of it this way, the cover and protection of text messaging will remove the scariness of having to do it face to face. Is there a chance that you might be rejected? Yes, of course, there is, but you will never know what could have been if you never take the chance. Pick up your phone. Take a deep breath. Go for it. You got this.
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