When two people get married, their goal is to build a life together and have a happy ever after. But the case is not the same for some marriages. Some partners may realize they are not satisfied with the person they married and want out. So, if your wife or husband serves you with divorce papers suddenly, this has to be the most challenging part of your life.
Even if the marriage has many difficulties, some partners do not believe divorce is the only option, and these are the people most affected by the process. No one wants to start over again, especially if you loved your partner and invested so much into the relationship, including kids.
Nonetheless, you need to get up, dust yourself and accept your new reality. So, how do you cope with divorce when unwanted? We will provide you with tips on dealing with unwanted divorce ad how you can move past the situation.
Accept but know it is a learning process
Note that this is a process that may take; weeks, months, or even years. Don’t rush yourself to accept the situation and not dwell in it for too long. Remember, the person who served you with the divorce papers was well prepared and may have already moved on. So, take your time to accept your life without him/her as you figure out how to move past it. This is one of the most crucial steps that some people fail in.
Remember trying to fight or prevent the divorce from happening will cost you more pain than good. It takes a long time for someone to think about divorcing their partner. So, if a person wants a divorce from you, it means they are ready to start a life without you. So, avoid dealing with negative emotions for too long by accepting your new reality. Try to recreate your vision about life and how you will live by days, weeks, months, and years to come without the partner.
Allow yourself for grief
Accepting divorce and signing those papers is one thing, but leaving your past life is another thing altogether. You have built a life with your ex-partner; you had a home with them and maybe even kids together. You will be leaving behind so many things, and the thought of living a new life is not easy.
So, don’t act strong or force yourself to be healthy. If crying will help you forget and rise again, cry as much as you want. Grieving is one major step of moving on. Grieving is a sign that you are dealing with the divorce outcomes.
Also, stay close to people who encourage you and support you during your grief time and not to make you feel even worse. You can take your kids to your relatives for a while before you are strong enough to take care of them.
Once people are married, they leave many things behind since now you need to create a home or something that fits both you and your life partner. But, if things change and divorce happens, take “advantage” of the situation to rediscover who you were before you got married.
Did you want to study a specific course but were unable or wanted to open a business that your partner disapproved of? Well, this is the time to rediscover you. Doing things that you loved before is a way of reflecting on the old you! It is like reliving your old fun life only at a new age or with new people in your life (if you have kids).
Take this time to understand what you want, as this may help you notice what qualities you should have considered when looking for a partner.
Stay close to your friends and family
This is the time you need to stay close to people you know and who knows you better. Friends are in our lives for a reason and not for good times only. So, it is crucial that you share what you are going through with your friends so they can know how to help.
Your friends may help you find the best lawyer to represent you, and they can also help cheer you up. The bottom line is; don’t stay alone when you are going through a difficult situation like a divorce.
Seek professional help
Seeking counseling when undergoing a divorce is crucial since you will get professional help to deal with the situation. A professional counselor can help you or guide you manage the grief, and it is much easier to open up to a counselor than someone who knows you.
Another area that you can get help is by joining a support group. This is an institution with people undergoing the same problem, and it does fast healing. Here, you meet different people going through the same problem and those who are even experiencing worse situations than you are. These two areas will provide you with a shoulder to lean on.
Know time will not heal you
This is another crucial point you need to note when you are coping with the unwanted divorce process. Although you may seek help and even have great friends around you, this is something that you will live with for a long time. Time helps you learn how to cope with the divorce and rebuild your life past what happened to you.
Yes, it will come when you forget about the pain, but to be realistic, the whole process is something you will live with, only that you will appreciate the good things that came with the pain of losing your partner.
Love starts with accepting and loving your new self. Dwelling on self-pity or self-loathe will not do you any good. So, this is the time to focus on yourself and treat yourself right. Work on your self-esteem and boost it, mostly if you felt unworthy while in the relationship. If you had gained weight and you wanted to lose some pounds, hit the gym and get your sexy back.
Treat yourself to dinners and movie dates. Buy your favorite clothes and rock them with great confidence because you are worth it and more.
Set new goals and work on them
Time flies, and you may end up getting stuck to the grief period for too long. But don’t! Transform yourself and life by setting new life goals. If you had projects with your ex-husband or wife, drop them! Forget about them and form new life goals that involve only you. You can find a new job or even go back to school to pursue a new course or finish your course.
Don’t rush to a new relationship
This is not the time to run around looking for rebounds, as it may turn out to be worse. Starting a new relationship when dealing with unwanted divorce may give you short-lived happiness, but you will not provide your 100 percent in the connection. Besides, you are starting the relation for the wrong reasons as you don’t love the new partner or know them well.
Such relationships are much draining and can set you back. So, take time to heal, forget about the past and understand what you want. Use all the things you discover about yourself and what you want to help you find the right partner to start a relationship with ones you are healed and ready.
Even if you have been in a long term relationship, being single sometimes is excellent since you get alone time and get to do things that you could not do alone before. This is time to discover your strengths as a single woman or man. Consider the little things you were complaining about while living with your spouse; you don’t need to deal with them again.
You have your bathroom to yourself; you get to cook the food you only enjoy and go out whenever without feeling any guilt. So, sometimes being single and having alone time is right for divorcees too.
Hold on to your faith
If you are a Christian believer, this is the time to hold on to your faith like never before. Some people result in drugs or alcohol and other unhealthy behaviors to help them cope, leading them to more harm. But, don’t fall into this mistake as it only gives short term healing. Go to church, talk to a spiritual person and have them pray with you. This helps to improve spiritual healing hugely.
Dealing with unwanted divorce is not an easy process. It takes time and a lot of positivity and having the right people to get over the situation to go on with your life. The above-discussed points are some of the best ways you can cope with divorce. Note that time heals everything, and you must take your time as need be.
But, don’t dwell in the past, as it may end up draining your energy and wasting more of your time. Take every day as a new day to rediscover yourself and get to move forward with your life.