How to deal with a break up when you have a child together

Love and marriage sometimes don’t go as planned. Happily, ever married and till death do us apart is not assured unless both of you are willing and able to settle your differences altogether. However, when this doesn’t happen, and divorce is inevitable, kids are often the center of it all. After getting custody of your kids, either as a mother or father, raising them alone should be a responsibility you are willing to uphold. You will be playing the other parent’s role, and indeed you need to give them the best life they deserve so that they never at one given point want to feel neglected or lost in society.

Kids are often why most people stay in toxic marriages, but this should not be the case. Love should bound the two of you, and your kids should be an extra joy to your family. However, once you get separated and no going back, you should undoubtedly sit down and figure out how you will raise them to be admirable leaders of tomorrow who never at one given point flinch. The journey will be challenging, but it’s undoubtedly worth it than staying in a marriage where you are not happy or respected.

How do you deal with a break-up or separation when you had a kid together? How do you manage such a situation? Here are some helpful tips that should certainly work for you once you put them into action:


Ignore the what-ifs

The first thing you need to do for yourself is to ignore any reason to go back because you pity yourself. Please focus on the fact that it’s over and move on from what you thought wasn’t worth it, and give it your all in raising your kids. The moment you accept that it’s done, you will have the energy to now focus on the future and shape it how you want it. Your kids will always look up to you for the brave decision made and see how much you are trying to ensure they never lack life necessities. Your partner changing and the relationship you once had and thought was a mutual understanding is over, and now you need to keep your mind off the notion of what if he or she changes for the best. The final decision made on separation was certainly not one you thought of in a blink of an eye and made. You analyzed your options and took your time in making it, which means you had every reason to pack your bags and go. Settle and purpose in the future and forget about changing an old dog new tricks because he will not learn how to ride along.


Stay away from unsupportive people

Getting clingy on people who do not support you for your decision will certainly make you feel helpless and regretful for what you did. Remember, they were not there when all the drama started, and they should not know about it. You should surround yourself with people who support you financially and emotionally and are willing to heavy you out and provide your kids the love they deserve to ensure they escape from the reality of their parents being separated. Analyze which friends and family members are unsupportive and try as much as possible to avoid them because you do not need the energy. It would help if you instead warmed yourself with people who know what you are going through, respect what you did, and are willing and able to ask for no favors for their support. As you toss yourself to such generous hearts, do not also get too attached or dependent on them because human beings are full of surprises, and the last thing is to get one which will be quite a shock on you.


Focus on your children

Now that your kids do not have their parents living in the same room, it’s time you ensure they get the love they deserve and do not feel troubled about it. This will include lots of emotional care and support, for they sure need it. Make them understand what happen and do not, at any given point, lie to them because they need your honesty. Despite you being separated and not living together, this is not to say they should not visit their other parent or see them. He/ she is also part of their lives, and they need love as well. Remember, the differences you had are only between the two of you and not the kids. Focus on ensuring they have nothing but no reason to feel lost and any slight remorse for whatever happened. Letting them see their other parent allows them to breathe and see there is still a reason to be grateful you two separated and you are having the best time of your lives. However, it’s also essential to set clear communication guidelines between you and your ex to ensure you have a healthy relationship.


The ex-topic

Kids will undoubtedly need to know why you two separated, which they are entitled to. This is a matter you need to take into your own hands and be honest about. Talk to them calmly about it and ensure they understand the magnitude of the matter. While doing so and giving the ex-topic conversation, ensure you filter your wants and do not at any given point talk ill of them. Be honest about it and let them see why you had every reason to separate despite the harsh reality that it may hurt them. By being honest and not being a negative talker, they will understand you and appreciate that you found the courage to take them as your responsibility and raise them well. However, by doing the opposite, it portrays a negative image of you as you try to lure them into hating the other parent, which should not be the case for you. Be prepared also to answer the questions and straightforward on your answers because it certainly saves the trouble.


Give them information about the changes they should expect

Once you separate from your other half while you have kids together, you need to make sure your kids understand it. Give them information on the changes they expect, such as utilities, cutting on expenses, new school readmission, and so forth so that nothing is a surprise for them. Take them through the whole process and set boundaries that have to be respected because you certainly also need peace of mind as you raise them alone without the help of your ex. Be straightforward about it and ensure they are willing to cooperate. While giving them this information and setting the boundaries, ensure they also have a stake in it because they are part of the team. Hear them out and let them suggest what they feel will be best for them in their new life now. Once you do so, raising them alone becomes much easier because you are all on the same page.


Wrap up

Separation can be quite a hassle for two people who once loved each other dearly and finally had kids of their own. However, once it happens, you should be able to pick up your dusty coat, dust it, and get your things together because what lies ahead is all that matters.

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