How to Know He’s not The One

Everyone wants to find love. No matter who you may be, you’ve probably fantasized about that perfect partner and your perfect life with them. However, figuring out who is “the one” and who isn’t is sometimes stressful and very confusing. While nobody can say definitively who is the right one for you or not, there are a few things that you should look for when trying to figure out if Mr. Right is actually Mr. Wrong. Some of these things may include:

How He Makes You Feel

When you think of him or spend time with him, it’s important to take notice of how he makes you feel. One of the first indicators of whether or not someone is the one is by being aware of how you feel when you’re around them. The right one for you should be easy to be around. They should make you feel comfortable and safe and they should match your energy. The right one will make you feel better when you’re around them. It should feel right, and comfortable, without extra effort. If he makes you feel afraid, nervous, self-conscious, or bad, then he’s probably not the one for you. Of course, everyone has bad days, and everyone does and says things they don’t mean. It’s human to make mistakes, but it’s important to observe and figure out how much of the bad is a fluke and how much of it is a sign that you should probably stay away.

Life Goals

One of the most important things to consider when trying to figure out if someone is the right one for you is their life goals. Having a similar life path is crucial for long term success in a relationship. For instance, if he wants a lot of children, and wants to own a huge house in the country but you don’t want kids and prefer small apartments in the city, these things have to be considered and discussed before committing to a long-term relationship. While people change and some compromises could be made, you’ll have to really consider where he’s headed and where you’re headed and if those directions can meet or if they just don’t mix very well. Sometimes two people can get along great as friends, but shouldn’t enter a romantic relationship, and this is usually a clear sign of that.


Examining the differences that the two of you may have is also a very important thing to consider when you’re trying to figure out if he’s the one for you or not. Of course, it’s okay to like different television shows or different video games. In fact, couples who have some differences tend to fare better. This is because the differences balance out in a way that creates greater harmony. However, sometimes morals, strong beliefs, and convictions cannot be changed or dealt with and need to be considered. He probably won’t be the right one for you if don’t have the same core beliefs. This could be things like religion, prejudice, politics, and more. He may believe in a different lifestyle than you, he may be more or less tolerant toward certain groups, he may follow different politics or follow a different religion. Before committing to a lifelong relationship, you’ll both need to examine your differences and how important they are to you. Core values matter in a successful relationship, and avoiding them will only blow up for the both of you later on down the road.


When considering if he’s the right one for you, it’s also important to consider how well you communicate with each other. While you sometimes may struggle to communicate effectively, it should be at the very least easier to learn. Someone who is right for you should be able to understand you easily regarding most things, or they should be able to be supportive without understanding. You could be able to talk freely with this person and share your deepest memories, thoughts, and feelings without fear or punishment. You should feel comfortable discussing anything with them, and it helps if you tend to be on the same page most of the time. Sometimes this takes work, especially if one of you has past trauma or other issues that may make communication difficult. However, the right person should acknowledge this weakness and should put good effort into correcting it for the sake of your relationship. If he doesn’t communicate well, and he doesn’t care to try, he’s probably not the right one for you.


While this may seem like a shallow thing to consider, it’s often an important part of a successful relationship. One should be attracted to their partner, often in more ways than just physically. Of course, bodies change as we age, and our looks change too. The right one for you will be attracted to not only your physical appearance but to who you are as a person as well. Attraction is a brain-based concept and can be altered, and being attracted to someone is everything, but it’s still somewhat important. Being attracted to your partner not only matters for physical intimacy and sexual intimacy, which may be important, but also for longevity and self-esteem. Many people depend on their partner for a boost of self-esteem, and while that’s not always the healthiest, it happens. A relationship should be fulfilling, and without any attraction, a lack of chemistry and lack of care may show present sooner than later. Consider your attraction level, and consider how attracted he is to you. Does he make you feel good about your appearance and personality? If the answer is no, then he’s probably not the one you’re looking for.

There are many things to consider when trying to figure out if he’s the one for you. However, ultimately, the best way to tell will be your gut feeling. Examine how he makes you feel, and how well you mix with him. Consider if you could see yourself living with him for the rest of your life. Could you imagine being with him until you’re both 96 years old? If you can’t imagine sharing a life with this person, and a happy, fulfilling life, then chances are he’s not who you need to be going for. The right person will feel like the right person. The right person will match your lifestyle, beliefs, energy and they’ll make you happy. While every relationship has hard times, and there will be some conflict no matter who you choose, the right one will still make you glad that you have them in your life, even during the bad moments. Give the relationship some time and examine what you want in life, and where you’re heading. If this person fits with that vision, and you fit with theirs, then they just may be the one for you. However, don’t get discouraged if they’re not, as there really is someone for everyone and they’ll find you when you least expect it.

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