Love can be one of the most rewarding and beautiful emotions that you will ever experience. A relationship, with the right person, of course, can make you feel whole, complete. However, on the other side of the coin, it can also be the most painful emotions that you’ll ever experience. Especially the pain of losing someone you love. When you truly love someone, it is not something that can be simply turned off just because the relationship ended. And, what happens when you do not want to (or cannot) walk away? What happens when you are still in love with him? You have to fight for what you want. Not to worry, the following guide will tell you exactly how to make him fall in love again after a breakup.
First Things First:
Before you even start planning your attack on how to get him back, you need to be sure of your own motives. Why do you want him back? If your immediate answer is not – because I love him, you should probably take a step back and evaluate your end goal. When we go through a breakup, especially one where we are the dumpee, it can be easy to fall into the ego trap. The ego trap is when you simply want the person back just to soothe your wounded ego. Never fight for a relationship that you don’t really want. Now, if you are in it for the right reasons, keep reading, let’s get your man back where he belongs.
Be a Better You:
No matter how good of a person you might be, there is always room for improvement. Take some time to really reflect on yourself, your choices, your role in the relationship. Making much-needed improvements to yourself will not only give you a better chance at making him fall in love again but can also make you feel better about yourself as a whole.
Try a Little Reverse Psychology:
People, and men, in particular, tend to want what they seemingly can’t have, something to do with testosterone, I think. They can’t help but strive for the unattainable. The more you act like you are not interested in him, the more he is going to want you. While not avoiding him altogether, try to be as aloof as possible. No matter how much you want to beg to see or talk to him – if you truly want him back – you must resist seeming too available, which can end up looking like desperation. And, that, is not attractive on, or to, anyone.
Evaluate Your Relationship:
Pinpointing what went wrong leading up to the split, can give you some insight into how to approach and fix the issues. Evaluating the details of your time together can also help you formulate a plan on how to get him to come back. Addressing any prior issues as well as exploring the root cause of the dissolution of the relationship might be difficult or even painful, but it will help you both avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future.
Rebuild the Friendship:
A relationship that is built on a healthy friendship has a really strong foundation, that’s a given. Starting back at the beginning will not only help get your foot in the door again but is also likely to remind him of the many lovely qualities you possess that made him fall in love with you in the first place. Truly offering your friendship could very much lead to a stronger and more loving connection in the long run as well. This is also a great way to rebuild a connection if he happens to be in a rebound relationship with someone else.
Be Honest and Upfront:
Once a bond has been reestablished, it is super important that you be honest and upfront about absolutely anything and everything. Lay it all out on the table. How you feel, what you want/need, and what the ultimate goal is. You both need to be on the same page. This will not only significantly increase the chances of bringing back old feelings on his part (and on yours) but will also clear the way for a more healthy relationship going forward.
As my lovely and wise grandmother used to say, patience is a virtue. Sometimes people need space and time to understand and figure things out (If you’re being honest with yourself, you could probably use the same). Be prepared to allow him this time, offer to be there for him if need be, but don’t push it. Sometimes space and time are all that is needed to reignite the bond that you once had. Let him miss you. After all, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Keep Your Cool:
Generally, men seem to be far less emotional when it comes to relationships or life in general really. As tempted as you may be to call and check in with him constantly, text him all the time, or pour your heart out every time you see him – try to restrain yourself. These techniques might work on women, some of us enjoy overly romantic gestures, but will probably have the exact opposite effect on him. Getting overemotional or becoming too clingy will likely just result in him pulling even farther away. Desperation is not pretty on anyone.
What Not to Do:
Avoid Playing the Jealousy Game: Although many will tell you that trying to make him jealous could help, it is not a good idea. While jealousy might bring him back, the situation will likely cause some problems in the long run. Instead, show him that you are doing okay, show him how happy you are, just don’t use a rebound relationship to do so. Not if you want him to come back for good.
- Go Easy On the Love Bombing: Gushing and/or smothering him with love isn’t really a great idea either. Guys being guys, it will probably have the opposite effect of what was intended and alienate him further.
- Be Careful Not to Lose Your Identity: It can be easy to turn yourself into exactly what he wants, and it might even win back his affections, albeit likely temporarily, but it is neither smart nor healthy. No matter the amount of pain caused by missing him, don’t try to be something you’re not.
- Don’t Refuse to Acknowledge Reality: Sometimes, for whatever reason, it is not possible to get him to fall back in love with you. Chemistry, timing, whatever the reason, if you notice that he is not receptive to any of your efforts, it might just be time to let him go.
Love connections can be a tricky thing, and each situation is different. It isn’t something that should be taken lightly. If you are going to put in the time and effort into winning him back, be sure that it is what you really want. This should never be done solely to get back some of your self-esteem or to get revenge. If your intentions are pure, then as cheesy as it sounds, you need to listen to your heart. You know him. What is it going to take to make him fall in love with you all over again? Deep down you know the answer, listen to your intuition and follow your gut. Whatever is meant to be, shall be. Good luck!