Being cheated is one of the most dreaded moments in every relationship; leave alone marriage wishes not for. However, while we fear this, at least one in two relationships will be fighting over this, with the fate of the relationship determined by the one cheated on in most cases. While you might feel it worthwhile not to let your marriage go to the drain due to infidelity, you will be more often than not be worried about trusting once more after your spouse cheated. Trust is the foundation upon which a healthy marriage is built upon, and when it is tarnished, mending proves to be a tall order for probably everyone. Nevertheless, the bold ones take a bold step of trying to save the marriage, which may end positively or negatively based on your approach towards saving the marriage. Here are tips on how to save a marriage after infidelity and lies.
#1- Ignore What Happened at Your Peril
One of the greatest mistakes people commit in a marriage when trying to save it after realizing that your partner has been unfaithful is keeping quiet about it. In a great way, this makes you look quite weak, setting you at being taken advantage of since you won’t complain about it at all. Other than such abuse, failure to address this issue and sticking to the marriage might affect you emotionally owing to endless battles and insecurities in your mind.
Always seek to address the elephant in the room while stating your stand on the whole scenario. While you might be blamed in one way or the other, don’t back down and stay apologetic! Make it clear to your spouse that there were more rational and unselfish ways through which what he blames you for would be settled.
#2- Seek Counselling/Therapy
It is said that a problem shared is a problem half solved. Well, this might apply here with counseling/therapy offer you the perfect board to launch yourself back into the relationship but in a more diligent way. Counseling/therapy is the eye-opener to your potential and natural might to handle the infidelity and lies like a petty issue when you wish to save your marriage.
A therapist/counselor will not make the situation change but will definitely make your mentality change hence changing the situation at hand. You will move from bitterness to forgiveness, having you take on the issue directly with insight on how to handle and carry yourself during the healing process. While you may not be able to make it to a professional therapist, you probably can seek the help of a trusted friend or family member who can take you through the healing process with the aim of rejuvenating the marriage.
#3- Fix Communication
Failed and broken communication is the first step towards a broken marriage. In most cases, marriages that have battled with infidelity and lies have, in one way or another, put communication and expression in jeopardy. However, this does not warrant people facing such issues or say communication is an excuse for infidelity and lies. Without communication, you can barely know what your lover wants or the needs (intimate and emotional) are.
Therefore, there is a need to address the need to fix communication, especially during the time you are trying to find a resolution to your marriage. Here, you will remind your partner that you are his or her go-to human at any time he needs to talk to someone or address issues emanating from your side. Communicating even the most little issues that bother you might strengthen your interaction by far hence helping you fix and save your marriage.
#4- Show Affection to Your Partner
He or she cheated, and you hate it all from the process to the act. However, showing affection to your lover might save your marriage. This works in two ways, with the first being giving your spouse what you might have had robbed him of due to your busy schedule or shifted priorities. The other way is that this would work in reverse psychology where your spouse might feel bad about himself or herself after what he or she did to you, making him or her hate doing it again to such a loving and affectionate soulmate.
However, for some, this might take quite some time before being actualized owing to the pain they harbor from betrayal. Nevertheless, when done, this might be as relaxing as you might presume. It reminds you of your role as the sole affection-giver to your lover, having it task you with seeking better ways to show affection to your spouse.
#5- Take Time to Synthesize What Caused the Damage and How You Can Fix It
Upon realizing that your partner cheated on you, in most cases, you take a short break, if not a long one, while trying to ‘mourn’ the betrayal. However, according to Dr. Fabian, a marriage therapist, taking this time to mourn alone does you more harm than good. In such a state, you will be solely giving yourself more reason to feel sad and depressed.
Allowing some moments of grieving then taking the rest of the time to synthesize what caused your partner to cheat and how you can fix the marriage is a rational solution for those seeking to heal their marriage. However, you might need to hold a deep conversation with your spouse to help you reach a resolution quicker and more diligently since here, and you consider what they have to say.
#6- Be Patient with Your Partner
To save your marriage, you will have to subscribe to one of the most bitter pills, patience and understanding your cheating partner. People cheat for different reasons, and while it might feel like a betrayal, they still hold you in some dear place in their hearts in most cases. Therefore, don’t go all out to your partner, kicking them so hard for their acts of unfaithfulness.
Realizing that you might have played a significant role in the problems that have befallen you is a rare gift that you need to possess. This might hurt especially knowing that you already had your spouse vow to be faithful, but in the real sense, you shouldn’t. Like you would wish your spouse to be patient with you for petty infidelity and/or lies matter, seek to forgive too and move one from the pain.
#7- Tolerate No More Lies and Infidelity
Once bitten, twice shy, and truly, habits become a disease. The first time your lover might have cheated might have been a mistake. However, having your lover cheat on you once more is a clear indication that their infidelity and lies far fetched from their deep and unapologetic desire to have more than they already have through marriage.
Therefore, seek to let your partner know that any other case of infidelity and lies might have your marriage hit a rock. You must first need to address your bitter feeling during your conversation (avoid being aggressive) to have your stand respected. Flash a warning of termination of the marriage if this happens again from your partner.
#8- Focus on the Future and Building Your Relationship
It is commonly said that what the mind of a human being can perceive, it can achieve! Hence, challenge yourself to place more focus on the future and building your ‘broken’ marriage. It weighs so much on you, and this fact is undeniably true. However, thinking about the pain will do you no good but only tie you up the chains of not moving past the heartbreaking moment.
You deserve better and happiness, especially when focusing your energies on fixing your marriage. Hence, thinking on the ways through which you can build the marriage back to its stability and focusing on the future remains the only way to ensure you continually progress from hurt and bitterness. This way, you can easily heal, setting yourself to saving your marriage after the bitter fangs of infidelity and lies.
#9- Seek to Establish Mutual Transparency
According to Dr. Williams, a relationship coach, one of the best ways to heal from infidelity and lies in a marriage is through seeking transparency in all that transpires in it. While communication might be great, being truly transparent about what you feel, want, or desire for is crucial when reconstructing a marriage that faced infidelity blow. It is through transparent conversations that marriage can avoid some of the cases of infidelity owing to the truthful nature cultivated.
Being transparent with each other calls for better ways of knowing when things are quite tough between you and your partner.
While infidelity and lies quite probable to happen for most relationships, this might not necessarily mean the end of the relationship. In most cases, the one hurt will determine the fate of the relationship with their actions after knowing that they were cheated on. The process of saving a marriage might feel quite intricate owing to the feeling of betrayal from realizing that you were cheated on. Nevertheless, the above tips offer you a chance to fix your emotions and saving your marriage even after such an occurrence.