While most of us worry most about having our partners sleeping with someone else, there is an equally catastrophic situation that you might not welcome at all. Unlike sexual infidelity, emotional cheating comes with having your partner forge deep emotional connections or rather strong bonds with someone else behind your back. Emotional cheating tends to share their vulnerabilities with another person who they go to in the name of spending therapeutic time together or seeking personal advice. While no sex is involved (so far), you need to worry about such affairs since it is this that will lead to the loss of your partner to the person they go confide in. You will also or might also have lost the affectionate touch from your spouse, who you dearly love. Here are nine tips on what to do when your partner is emotionally cheating.
#1- Blame Not Yourself
First and foremost, the common mistake people make is blaming themselves for whatever they may be going through in their relationship. You have no business being on the blame sheet for the conduct of your unfaithful partner! Your partner had all the rights and freedom to address any elephant in the house other than go confide in someone else out there with whom they may end up in the bed at last.
While they may blame you for being distant, at least, don’t be fooled and subscribe to that joke and blame by blaming yourself too. Accept that you might have been distant but do not at any point allow yourself to feel like you were the cause. This feeds the ego of your partner having emotional cheating probable to come up again. Additionally, blaming yourself is not healthy for your mind and well-being, so why put yourself in jeopardy due to selfish motives by your partner?
#2- Figure Out What Happened
You can’t have your partner come back into your life like nothing ever happened. At this time, clarity is required to ensure that such a scenario doesn’t get to occur again. Additionally, it is important to figure out what happened since this might show your where you stand in that relationship since, at some point, you can barely save the relationship.
Purpose to seek clarity from your partner about what might have led to the emotional cheating act. This way, you can tell what you need to possibly do to ensure that your relationship doesn’t go on that path again. However, your partner must be willing to come clean and transparently say what the issue must have been. A partner that acknowledges that it was a mistake and there was a better way to fix issues at hand or avoid selfish motives is a reliable partner who is truly sorry for his or her actions.
#3- Work with a Professional
The need to seek therapy/counseling cannot be emphasized better when it comes to matters of conflict in a relationship. While we might have it in mind that we can solve issues that concern our partner’s mischief, things can escalate really quickly to the point that you cannot hold a healthy conversation. If you are too bitter to talk to your partner or your partner seems to be violent or non-compliant in terms of conversations, then knocking on that therapist’s door might just have become a necessity.
While some might find this quite expensive, surrounding yourself with people who might have undergone the same might help you recuperate and easily forgive the emotionally cheating spouse. However, with your spouse withdrawing from you as a result of guilt, a therapist is the best that you need to solidify the ground for the two of you to forge meaningful connections once more.
#4- Take Some Time Off
When things get tough, always take a break! Either from work, or in your life, and now relationship, taking some space for some time out might be the perfect way to heal those deep scars. Here, you can focus on things that give you positive vibes.
It might be that longed-for vacation, or that drafting that application letter for a better job, or even attending some cooking/baking lessons. Whatever suits you, just do it. On the other hand, this might be the perfect time for your partner to think deeply and weigh out what they really need from the relationship. However, you might need to communicate this to your love and schedule how long the time off will take. Failure to do so might communicate that you have quit and are no longer interested in the relationship prompting the partner to seek a replacement now that he or she has made things worse.
#5- Reflect on Your Conversations
You probably had one or two conversations after busting your spouse practicing some emotional cheating. Now it is the time to put the conversation on the table for analysis through which you will make a sound and rational decision about the way forward. When your partner gets to acknowledge that they were wrong in the first place for being too selfish to seek some emotional support out there behind your back, then you probably need to take a second thought before resolving to quit the relationship.
However, sticking with a partner who blatantly blames you for his or her action with no signs of being apologetic solely lies upon your wishes. In most cases, relationships where partners caught cheating fail to acknowledge their mistakes end up in divorce and bitterness. If you insist on sticking to such a partner, then visiting that therapist/marriage counselor is not a want but a necessity.
#6- Surround Yourself with a Support System
At times that you are emotionally broken, the best medicine that you can take is surrounding yourself with positive vibes from a support system. This means your best friends or family members can charge up your moods from zero to a hundred even without many of the words shared but spending quality time with them.
Other than healing, a support system is your sure way to grow since it is at such a moment that you remember what matters most in life-happiness. Here, you can easily focus on what truly you can control, leaving out what you can barely change. Purpose to share the pain with your loved ones not to have them give advice but feel the burden in your soul ease up.
#7- Balance Your Anger and Search for Remedy
According to Dr. Mitchell, a marriage therapist, the biggest barrier towards the search for a remedy for an ailing relationship is anger. This doesn’t mean that you are unwarranted to feel angry about what your partner might have done. After all, living in a monogamous relationship means total commitment and zero cheating from the sexual and/or emotional level. The keyword here is ”balance.”
Striking balance between your anger and the search for remedy is the best way to communicate to your lover that your love for them is great despite the pain they might have taken you through. It is through such an expression that your partner can resolve apologizing and making it up to you for mistakes he or she has committed by being emotionally unfaithful.
#8- Decide What You Want from the Relationship
After everything is said and done, you are the person who knows what must do with the relationship. You feel hurt and betrayed definitely. Is it time you call it quits, or do you possess a forgiving heart to allow your partner a second chance in the relationship? Well, only you can make that decision. After all, it is you who knows your levels of patience and forgiveness, your desires, and choose life.
Therefore, the purpose of deciding the soonest time possible direction of your relationship. While some might take emotional cheating as a petty thing, for some, it is a deal-breaker. If you don’t seem to forgive your partner by whatever means, then it’s time to call it quits. However, you might need to take quite some while to analyze the whole scenario, the depth it had reached, and any possibility of this popping up again in your life.
#9- Purpose to Forgive (Only for Those Who Can)
You have decided that you cannot let your relationship end because of a one-time mistake that didn’t get to the bitter end-sexual infidelity. At this point, you will need to be extra careful with your choices. The most crucial of all choice of forgiving. While forgiving might sound as plain as the word suggests, how you forgive and the process underwent equally important.
You will barely forgive and forget, but you can forgive without retaining bitterness or vengeance in your heart hence setting your relationship to the point of rejuvenation and possible growth. Additionally, you don’t just need to forgive your partner for his or her mischief. At this stage, you will need to have known what transpired and the cause so as to avoid this in the near future. Setting some ground rules might also come in handy in helping the two of you avoid possible similar circumstances.
Emotional cheating is as toxic to a relationship just as sexual intimacy behind your back by your partner. While the emotional affair might have hurt you, there are tons of things that you result in for your emotional well-being and possibly healing of your relationship/marriage. With the help of the above tips, you can resolve what to do to forget the pain and betrayal, which is contemplating the way forward for the relationship.
What do you think?