Sometimes it takes a divorce to realize how much you loved your spouse and want to spend the rest of your life with them. So, yes, it is possible to get back with your ex-husband after divorce. If at all both of you are willing to remarry or be in a relationship once again. Starting all over again is not easy, and if you have lived the better part of your life enjoying life with your partner, leaving all that back can be draining and challenging. Also, divorces are not consensual as you may be pressured or even forced to divorce your partner without your will.
So, how can you get back with your ex-husband after a divorce?
Stick around as we will provide some guides on the process of how you can get back with your ex-husband, whom you had divorced.
As much as you still hurt and have a love for your ex-husband, you need to distance yourself from him so you can heal and get in a stable state. Keeping communication or even continuing arguing after a divorce will only make things worse. Your ex-husband may not want to hear from you at the moment, and you need to respect that. It would help if you also had time for yourself to come to terms with the divorce. So relax, associate with people close to you and take a day at a time as you heal.
Healing and getting to a positive state begins with forgiving yourself. Divorces can be draining, and it makes people feel like losers. You will always feel like you didn’t do enough to fight for your marriage, or you should not have agreed to the divorce. All these are good things to feel at the moment.
But, don’t let anger and frustrations lead you to depression. Take your time, breath, and work on forgiving yourself. You need time to find yourself and probably analyze the divorce to understand what went wrong. If the cause for the divorce were not significant, the chances of your getting back your ex-husband would be so high.
Work on yourself
That period of divorce is not for mourning or getting lost even more. Yes, you will mourn, and you will feel lost, but don’t take too long. Instead, please take it as an opportunity to rebuild yourself. This involves understanding who you are and working on that confidence. Most, especially women, are lost in marriages where they focus on the family and husband and fail to work on them. Also, after divorce, our self-confidence may go to zero since we feel like we have failed ourselves and probably people around us.
All these things should not weigh you down and make you even feel worse. So, rise, dust yourself and rebuild that person you used to be before. If it is a job that you need to support yourself, look for the job. If it is education, it is that time you enrol for your favourite course. Do you want to regain back your sexy body? Well, how about you hit the gym and invest in healthy diets. You need to be a whole and happy woman who is confident about herself and decisions to convince your ex-husband that you are a lost gem.
Understand what led to the divorce
A lot of things can lead a couple to get a divorce. However, one sure thing is that every party has a play in the marriage not working. So, this is the right time to reflect on your relationship to find out what led to the divorce. You need to outline your faults as a woman and how you handled yourself in the relationship. A marriage takes two people to build it, and if both parties do not play their roles well, then it will not last.
So, once you outline your faults in your failed marriage, the next thing you need to do is analyze them and determine what you could have done better to save your marriage. For example, if you were too consumed with your work you didn’t have time for your husband, then it is time to know and learn how to balance your work time and family or partner time. The bottom line is you also need to self-criticize as much as you criticize your partner.
If the divorce was not messy and both of you had and still respect each other, then keeping close contact after a while is recommendable. Besides that, you still love your ex-husband, and you would still want him back. So, keeping your communication going on and being on good terms is a good sign that there is the hope of you getting back together.
Check on him, invite him for special occasions and even for casual dates as friends. It would help if you kept on reminding him that he was and still part of you. This also gives time for your ex-husband to respect you since you can leave resentment and anger behind to open a new chapter in your life.
Build a bond
You will not directly approach your ex-husband and tell him that you need him back. But, you can create occasions or scenarios that bring you together and even remind you of the good old days. For example, if you loved going to movies while you were dating or newly married, invite him for a movie date, but make sure it is a casual date. Throw hints or reminder of how much you enjoyed such dates, and even joke around about your previous experience, especially the funny one.
A good laugh with someone you had known before and lost at some time brings back great memories. This will help your ex-husband understand how great it was with you and having you in his life. The gesture helps him to reflect on what he could have done on his side to save your marriage.
Show your change and growth
You don’t need to tell your ex-husband that you have left the old habits that annoyed him or made your relationship not work. Actions speak louder than words, right! Let him see growth in you. Let him admire the woman you have become and how great you are now. Did you have goals that you kept on talking about but could not fulfil when you were together?
Now is the time to be working on them and winning. Were you constantly nagging about your weight gain but was too lazy to work out? Show him how healthy you are living and see your body transform. Were you getting mad even for the slightest trigger? Show him growth and emotional stability by letting go of what is not essential. Your divorce should mark a new chapter of growth and self-awareness, something that will hugely attract your partner.
Talk about your previous marriage
Once you are at a point where you and your ex-husband can talk about anything, including your past, it is an excellent time to discuss your failed marriage. It is good to know the side of his story. You also need to know if he feels he lost someone essential or moves on with his life. You want to know your flaws in the relationship from him, so you don’t repeat them once you work on your relationship.
Therefore, ask him, and you can also tell him what you feel caused the divorce. Talking about your divorce mainly when both of you are in a calm and healthy state helps you understand better what you could have done without pointing fingers at each other. Also, when both of you are in a healthy state, getting back together will be so easy.
When working on getting back with your ex-husband, the worst mistake you could make is to rush things as much as you miss him and want to be with him. It would help if you also gave him time to miss you. Rushing him to get back together makes you look desperate, and he may get turned off by such a character. Also, you both need time to reflect on yourself, and you work on yourself too. So, take one step at a time, and with that, getting back together will be so natural.
A woman can win back her ex-husband after a divorce. However, keep in mind that is it is a process that you need to take cautiously, so you don’t blow things up. Work in building yourself and discovering yourself as your ex-husband does the same on his own. Follow the above guides on approaching your ex-husband, how to maintain contacts and how to treat him after a divorce. If you need a professional guide before getting back together, please seek therapy.