Bring the topic of infidelity to the table for discussion, and most people will vow that a relationship is over the either of the parties involved engage in the practice. After all, it hurts being cheated on since this is betrayal in daylight. However, while displaying rage and moving on might be the most common resolution for many, this might not be the most optimal solution for some. In fact, with infidelity becoming more rampant nowadays, people are in some way learning to deal with the issue. Nevertheless, the path to healing after such a tough incidence is not smooth either and definitely not for the faint of heart. Such people are driven by the reason that the loss of a hard-built relationship is too much compared to sticking to the once unfaithful partner. Here are nine tips on how to get over being cheated on and stay together.
#1- Seek Therapy
According to Dr. Louise, a marriage therapist, quite a number of people believe not in therapy, especially when infidelity is involved. For them, therapy is a process for the depressed and couples who have arguments over their lifestyle, cohabiting, raising of children, and bill problems. However, therapy is an all-inclusive process that we can all relate to in whatever situation we encounter.
Here, you will get professional help to aid you to heal faster and optimally from being cheated on. Thanks to the trust bestowed to the therapist by those seeking help that they all can square out issues more diligently while seeking the most optimal way to staying together despite the bitterness in betrayal. For people who cannot afford therapy, there is an option of reaching out to friends and/or family who can offer support during this sad time while still soul searching. Nevertheless, therapy remains the most optimal solution to heal as well as chart ways through which a couple can still stick together after infidelity.
#2- Acknowledge that You Could Have Contributed to Your Partner’s Actions
Rarely do people accept the fact that their lifestyle and choice affect the choices of their significant others. Most of us tend not to see things from the perspective of others, especially when judging the bad actions they have done against us. In this case, your partner might have been unfaithful due to your own doings and choices. From missed affection, lack of attention to failure to give your relationship adequate time, these are basic reasons that could lead to infidelity from your partner’s edge.
Therefore, don’t be surprised to have your partner blame you for his or her unfaithfulness. After all, this could have proven irresistible to handle with someone showering them endlessly and persistently with whatever they miss at home. At this point, take into consideration that you can fix what is put across as the reason for their unfaithful acts. However, this doesn’t mean that you should always accept this. Once stated as a reason, you need to seek better ways of solving such occurrences in the future. This move is to avoid the use of this ‘excuse’ each time your partner goes behind your back and cheats.
#3- Accept That Rebuilding Trust Will Take Time
For people who treasure their relationship bigger than allowing it to go to the drain because their partners cheated, the saying that once trust is broken, it can’t be rebuilt barely exists. If you are reading this, you can attest that there is life beyond trust, and that is what makes you reconsider your options when it comes to thinking of parting with your partner. We all mistakes, and the mistakes might have been caused by some reason, and in this case, borrowing from the second tip, you could be the reason.
Therefore, there is a need to acknowledge that in the process of healing and rebuilding the love, quite often than not, trusting your partner might not come imminently. After all, they betrayed you, and it hurts. As the common adage puts it, time heals! Hence, invest some time in the relationship to fully gain the trust of the apologetic spouse for a better and stronger relationship. Subscribe to the school of few people who believe that trusting again is possible.
#4- Seek the Will to Have it Work
Nothing drains off your energy in a relationship than the fact that what you spent probably years to build might be coming to an end due to single night affair. He or she might have cheated a couple of times, but still, the pain is the same-betrayal! With the feeling, it is even harder to come to terms that you can still stay together.
However, nothing is impossible with love and dedication towards mending the broken pieces in a relationship. Therefore, the purpose of avoiding the blind spot of visualizing yourself as the person hurt in the relationship. Be motivated by the question of ‘What Next?’ about your whole scenario. Knowing that the two of you have the key towards the future in a single word-decisions, you can try to nurture the will to have the relationship work after all the pain. It is not easy, but with the right mentality, you can achieve this and build a strong relationship, especially if your lover feels indebted to reciprocate the failed love.
#5- Give Yourself Space at First
It will pain you waking up with your partner who cheated on you on the same bed each day. Watching the show To Have and To Hold Charlotte, you meet the concept of ‘nesting’ as introduced by Tyyawdi to David and the audience. The ‘nesting’ concept is all about staying apart despite not being divorced while still missing none of your family but not marital obligations.
While the concept might not have been successful for David and Tyyawdi, you can make it work by ensuring that the two of you have constant communication, all driving towards fixing your marital issues. Communication in this process is key and cannot be compromised. However, staying around each other might harm the process of healing for some since bitterness will always come to the show.
#6- Seek to Know If You Can Forgive Fully
Moving past being cheated on and sticking together solely relies on how truthfully you can forgive while the other partner purposes not to cheat again. One of the hardest things for many is forgiving fully, which has them fail to move past the barrier.
Focus on forgiving truthfully from the heart to allow for growth in your relationship. While this might never forget, forgiving fully gives you power over the situation, ensuring that you won’t get caught up in negative emotions that would affect your resolution to stay together.
#7- Have Proper Conversations
As mentioned earlier, communication remains key and fundamental in the process of healing and trying to stay together. However, very few people get it right, meaning that in most cases, this is what lets you down despite the deep will to fix the relationship. The reason being-many people seek to express themselves and how to hurt they are to their partners rather than find a solution to their problem.
Therefore, seek to hold proper conversations with your significant others without letting emotions get the better of you. Here you might want to talk about what led to the unfaithful actions by your partner and how that can be fixed.
#8- Set Ground Rules for the Relationship
For trust to be gained again to allow possible lifelong staying together, there is a need to set ground rules that will govern the relationship. Not practicing unfaithfulness is not the rule here! The rule is what emanates from the prevention of infidelity. In most cases, infidelity will come from the choices we all make in a relationship.
Therefore, if it is all about your unavailability, conflict resolution methods, and communication, you need to set rules on how this will not affect your relationship to cause infidelity. You might also set rules on the company that both of you surround yourself with despite this being a tough zone to explore.
#9- Be Open to Changes and Redefinition
If you purpose to stick together after being cheated on, you should be ready to face life in another dimension. At this point, we all know that infidelity by your partner might be blamed on the choices and lifestyle you have adopted. Hence, you need to come to the resolution table with an open mind that you might be called out to change something for the well-being of the relationship.
In some cases, this might call for a redefinition of what you perceive about love and/or a relationship. Having an open mind to this is the first step towards accepting the new life you enter as a healing couple that had fallen as a result of unfaithfulness.
While being cheated on might hurt, many people out there have the feeling that they should not let go at the first impulse. However, this is a tough call owing to the emotional damage caused by the unfaithful acts of your partner. Nevertheless, with the above tips, you can easily get over being cheated and forge a stronger relationship. The process might take time, but the reward might be a testimony to give, for it is not something many can endure.