Can a marriage be saved after a man’s infidelity? Well, I believe there is an opportunity of working on the marriage even after infidelity. Research shows that at least 50 percent of marriages are rekindled even after infidelities. You may find that in working to save the marriage, you end up building a stronger bond than before. However, I can guarantee you that it is not an easy process. It may take a long time before your wife sees you like before or wants to be vulnerable with you. It is worth the sacrifice and efforts, right?
How to save my marriage after I cheated on my wife
The first step you need to take is to be accountable for your action. Cheating on your wife, who has been there for you, loved you, probably bore your kids, and respects you is pretty disrespectful and draining to her. The last thing you need is to break her even more by denying or trying to make her feel at fault. If your wife learns about your cheating, you need to acknowledge it first before even explaining to her what happened. It may hurt, but she will be open to listening to your reasons for cheating.
Cut off the cheating partner
You want your wife to believe you are remorseful for cheating, and you want to earn her forgiveness? It would help if you also showed her that it was a one-time mistake that you are willing to correct. Cut off all the communication with your cheating partner by maybe deleting all her contacts on the phone.
If you follow each other on social media, you need to unfollow and even block her. If you have anything that belongs to her, let’s say she bought you a gift, get rid of it. Take it as a new start for you and your wife. This act somewhat assures you that you are severe and don’t want to be associated with the other woman.
Talk to her
Don’t just break the news to your wife and leave her hanging. You need to open up and explain what happened and what led to you cheating on her. Everyone, including you as a man, would love or be curious to know what you fell short of, for your spouse to look for it from another person. Many things can cause cheating.
There could be miscommunication between you and your wife, who has been there for a long time; she could not be affectionate with you as before for the last few years or months. Your wife could be denying you conjugal rights such that you had to look for someone to fulfil your needs and so on. Cheating on one’s spouse should not be justified, but it is crucial to lay everything on the table so you can both see the root of this action.
Listen to her
After you have done all the above, the next step you need to take is to listen to what your wife decides. Women have different reactions when it comes to infidelity. Some may want to talk things through, and others may want space to digest all the information as they decide on the way forward.
As the offender, you need to listen to your wife and do as she asks. If she tells you she needs space, give her space, but be there for her so she can still know you want your marriage to remain. If she asks you to go for therapy, which is an excellent option at this point, be ready and assure her you are willing to seek help to save your marriage.
Make a decision the both of you
It is good to make decisions about your relationship together at this point. Do you want to remain married or not? If your wife is willing to work things through, you need to decide how things will go on from that time until you can go back to how you used to be before. For example, some women may want you to move to another room until you can talk things through.
Some may ask you to move out of the house for a while as they figure out what to do. All these things are required to be discussed before. If there are kids involved, decide how you will raise them while still working on your marriage.
Work on your honesty to build trust
At this time, you need to be as open as a book with your wife. Be transparent with what you do and things that you are planning or thinking about. You will notice that cheating is covered with a lot of lies that build up over time in most cases. So, as you win back your wife, you need also to win her trust in you.
Being open and honest with a partner helps build a solid relationship based on the trust you have for each other. Note that this should go both ways. Meaning, it is essential that you communicate with your wife about being honest subsequently with each other.
Keep your promises and words
Working to save a marriage is like treating a wound! You have to be consistent and use the proper methods to ensure healing and good outcomes. So, you want your wife to know you are sorry and willing to change for her and your marriage? Show her with actions. If you promise her to do something for her or even the family, be sure to do it.
If she wants help with things, let’s say watching the kids, something you have never done before, be willing to help her. Small gestures that help her or make her feel appreciated will go a long way in easing her anger and distrust of you. If you are to meet for a therapy session, be there on time and at the right place!
Be open-minded and patient
You need to hold on to two things when working to save your marriage after cheating. At this point, your wife has zero trusts in you and will not treat you as before. So, be ready to receive cold treatment. She may not respond to your calls or texts; she may decline your date invites and so on. However, you need to know she was hurt, and she does not see you the same at the moment.
Give her time and never give up trying to win her again. If she says no to a date, don’t give up yet; ask her for another date after a while by maybe using another mode. If you buy her flowers and she tosses them in the garbage, buys her another bouquet with a lovely card. Assure her you are not giving up on her, and you will do anything to win her love for you like before.
Improve on communication
Lack of communication is one number one enemy to most relationships or marriages, for that matter. If you don’t constantly communicate with your spouse, you create a drift where the connection starts to fade, your passion for each other starts to diminish, and you stop understanding each other.
So, you and your spouse need to talk about how to improve your communication from now. It may not be as smooth as before since your wife is still in a healing process, but you still need to communicate your feelings towards each other. Let her know that you are willing to help her heal from what you did to her by letting her express her feelings to you.
Ask her what you need to do to feel better or what she needs from time to time. You also need to express your feelings to her. Let her know what is going on in your life and what this whole mess has made you feel. As you grow in rekindling your marriage, you should let each other know about it. You may be surprised at how much you learn about each other, something you didn’t know for the last couple of years or months.
Spend time together
When your wife is ready, spend as much time as you can together. You can plan for night dates or a vacation away from everyone. If you have kids living with you, ask friends or relatives to help you look after your kids as you relax and enjoy each other’s company alone. Take time off from your busy schedules at work and go for a trip just for the two of you. This helps you know and understand how much you missed each other, how much you still love each other and how much you were meant to be together!
Forgiveness starts with you! You don’t have to beat yourself for so long, as this may hinder the healing process of your marriage. Learn how to forgive yourself first before you even earn the forgiveness of your wife.
These are some steps that you can use to save your marriage by cheating on your wife. It will not be easy to win your wife over, but if it is a solid marriage and your wife loves you, be sure the process is worth going through. Also, winning your wife again and getting her forgiveness is crucial.