It’s the last thing that you might have expected but the fact is that many men out there are cheating. And statistics can prove it better with most of the divorces filed after cheating has happened, in most cases, men as the culprit. It hurts that your man cheated on you and all that you have left is bitterness while trying to find the reason as to why he did it all. While some men might have cheated out of a marriage collapsing internally, others are only driven by their selfish desires. You will never know unless the man brings out the truth to you. However, the most important thing is learning what to do when you find out that your husband is cheating. Here is a list of ten things that you might consider doing at such a time.
#1- Acknowledge How You Feel About It
The very first thing that you might need to do after realizing that your man went behind your back and cheated is acknowledging how you feel. It is until we face our inner facts that we can make rational decisions about a tough situation such as betrayal. As every loyal person, you will mostly have the feeling of pain and resentment following your husband’s actions.
Don’t try being the superwoman and show the world how tough you are or show your man that it affects you not. Just be true to your feelings and exhibit them as they come. You might feel like tearing up, go ahead and do it. After all, holding in the tears will only break you and break you harshly.
#2- Cheat Back Not for Revenge
For some, tit for tat is the fair game that they will always seek to feel better. Others, the mantra they carry on is he who laughs last, laughs the loudest. Well, while this might seem to work for some, it is undeniable that this is a toxic behavior. And as toxic as the behavior might be, you can rest assured that the consequences might be quite dire.
At the end of seeking revenge for a cheating husband you end up bitter or even start complicated interactions with people who might not be meaningful to your life especially on the relationship avenue. Therefore, wipe out your mind off any thought of cheating back to make your man feel bad about it all. Probably, he is over you and might be less bothered by your actions only having you make a fool out of yourself.
#3- Ignore His Actions at Your Peril
If you are a submissive woman, you might get into the trap of getting cool about the situation. After all, your husband is someone you need not mess with or talk ill about. Trash that notion and stand up for your right! You are bonded together by vows and commitments and now that your man went behind your back and cheated, he should know that he made a mistake and should feel sorry about it.
Avoiding this conversation will only justify your man’s actions. At the worst, this might have your man build some confidence and ego about his action. After all, his passive woman can do nothing about his nasty infidelity acts.
#4- Confront Him When You Have Proof, Plan, and Purpose
You are angry at finding out that your husband is cheating. The worst miscalculated move you might make is confronting your husband and questioning him about it when claiming that he cheated without proof. Place no proof on the table and most of the men will barely admit to cheating. It is as a rule for the boys that you should barely admit to cheating at any point. Some will also go overboard and blame you for their actions when evidence is placed on the table.
Having evidence is not enough for such a situation. Hence, make a plan and purpose for your action to ensure that you address the issue at the right time, and in the right way. Seek to know the purpose of your confrontation since any action done without purpose might lead to any path. You might lose the guy when you barely wanted to lose him even after cheating so be wise.
#5- Avoid Living an Unhealthy Lifestyle
According to Jessica, a relationship coach, and psychologist, most human beings get into what he calls self-destructive behavior when life gets tough on them in whatever dimensions. For most, this has to do with drugs that help them forget the pain they undergo for some while. However, Jessica notes that the self-destructive behavior offers only some temporary solutions which might also drag some consequences too sadly.
Therefore, there is a need to avoid getting into any of the self-destructive behaviors or unhealthy lifestyles after finding out your husband is cheating. While you might take some time out from your normal life, ensure that you don’t do something that you might regret doing. Seek to do all that might make you calm down or feel at peace.
#6- Don’t Go Confronting the Other Woman
The biggest mistake we all fall into is confronting the wrong people when such things do happen. In the first place, you should realize that your husband is a mature human being who can make rational choices. And this means that your husband might have made a “rational” decision when he went ahead to cheat, with reasons only known to him.
Therefore, don’t fall into the trap of going to fight the other woman in the first place. While she might have been selfish, you man takes the responsibility for allowing the crack in your relationship. Not only will you make the man even feel safer in his actions but you will be stripping yourself dignity by acting at the impulse without a second thought of who you should be confronting.
#7- Avoid the Blame Game
When water pours on some dry ground, we can barely collect it back to the jar. In a similar way, when your man has cheated we can barely undo his actions. Therefore, going on to point fingers of blame at each other for why it happened will do you no good. The man might be the one to blame for having him act on his selfish desires. But notice that you might also be on the blame side by being distant from him making him seek some emotional and intimate support from another woman. A cycle of such thoughts will take you nowhere when it comes to saving the relationship. It is upon the two of you to decide what to do to ensure the relationship doesn’t fall into the same bed again.
#8- Take Some Break to Think It Over
Relationship coach and psychologist, Jessica can barely insist on the value of time at such times of a bitter revelation. According to Jessica, there is a need to take time out of the relationship to try to come up with a rational idea of what needs to be done. For some, it might be worth giving the relationship another chance while for some, it is a no-debate topic having the two part at the very impulse of realizing that the husband cheated.
Never make a decision while too angry or too happy! Hence, in this case, you might need to take some time out to have you think about your priorities without the influence of your cheating husband. Probably, take a weekend out of the home or even two weeks to think about it all. Know that taking too much time might communicate to the husband that you want everything dead making him move on slowly, which may affect your return.
#9- Keep Kids Out of the Situation
In most situations, kids get to become pawns in the chess game of a relationship marred by infidelity. Avoid making the same mistake here when it comes to your situation. While they are the beings that matter most to you, they are just a result of your love and putting them in the equation of trying to know what decision you should be making, this might prove to be irrational.
It becomes even toxic when you talk ill of the husband to the kids about his cheating. While the two of you might part, remember that the kids will never have a biological father for replacement. Hence some respect for his name might still be worthwhile despite the bitterness in your heart.
#10- Seek Counselling
If all seems to be a mammoth of a sad situation to you, it is advisable to seek professional help. You might trust a few friends to help you with this but in most cases, they may offer not professional help only advising you as per the bitterness of the situation in most cases. Visiting a professional counselor might be your best shot in such a situation. With a professional counselor, you can be sure to get the most from spilling out the whole situation to them.
While being cheated on might be hurting, the choices you make following the realization might be the determiner of how you fair and the direction your relationship might take. With your relationship being one of the most crucial bits of your life, you might need to approach the whole situation with diligence. Consider the above tips to help you know what to do in case you find out that your husband is cheating on you.