Your husband might be a saint, and you may want to stay with him, but circumstances may dictate that he’s no longer the man you want to be with. This can happen for several reasons, many of which relate to relationship troubles.
Here are 25 ways how to tell your husband you want to separate
1. Start with something positive
This may sound cliché, but you should be positive and grateful when you tell your husband that you want to separate. It’s the right thing to do because the situation isn’t easy on either of you. You’ll feel better if you take a few minutes to lead into it with something nice, like, “I just wanted to thank you for coming out with me today.” It’s easier if you’re cheerful when it comes time to make the announcement. If your husband senses any hate or anger in you or your approach, he will be defensive, and his reactions could be unpredictable.
2. Don’t threaten him
It’s not what you say but how you say it that matters most. If you’re threatening your husband, he’ll take it as a sign of aggression, and he won’t be receptive to acknowledging that this could be one of the decisions he would make. This is a serious issue and needs to be approached thoughtfully and calmly.
3. Take some time to prepare
If you’re going to tell your husband you want to separate, then do it right! Take time without your husband or kids to think about what’s best for you. Try to be objective, and think of yourself more as a friend than a wife!
4. Talk with your friends
People will always know how to approach the most challenging issues. You can find out from them what you might expect from your husband. The women in your life should be willing to talk about this with you, and not just for their sake: it’s for yours too.
5. Call him on his cell phone or home phone on his day off
In this situation, try calling him unexpectedly and at any time when he is likely home (during work hours). This gives him a chance to clear off from whatever he is doing at that moment and give you his undivided attention.
6. Drop a note under his door
A handwritten note is always more personal than a phone call or email. You can write about what you appreciate about him and express your interest in the future. His mind will be eased once he realizes that you’re still willing to work things out, despite some concerns that you may have in your relationship.
7. Be direct but polite
Avoid being aggressive or insulting. It’s natural to want to lash out at your husband when you find yourself going through a difficult situation like this, but that would only cause more problems in the future. You want him to understand why it’s necessary for both of you to separate and deal with the feelings that could naturally come up as he hears you out.
8. Let him know exactly how you feel, even if it involves an argument
The first thing that comes to mind when you realize that means has finally come to an end between you and your husband may be anger, which is normal, mainly since it results from a misunderstanding between you. Take the chance to let him know how you feel, but do it respectfully. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings!
9. Be prepared for a backlash
If you decide to tell him that you want to separate, then there’s a possibility that he’ll react badly. In time, he may cool off and understand where you’re coming from, but prepare yourself for any potential threats or violence. If anything happens immediately afterward that makes you feel like your safety is at risk, contact the police directly!
10. Tell him in person
This is the best way to tell your husband that you want to separate. It shows his courtesy and respect for you and your concern for his well-being without being confrontational.
11. Find a firm time and place
You need to have a peaceful zone where you can talk without interference from others in the family. If possible, plan a situation free of interruptions so your husband can sit there and listen while you give him your reasons for wanting to separate.
12. Don’t bring up divorce
It’s natural to be afraid that you’ll seriously discuss the subject of divorce. This worsens things when you’re trying to keep a lid on things.
13. Keep your tone casual
Don’t overdo it! It’s OK if it looks like there’s no hope, but don’t come across as heartless and even less so as if he’s been a fool. If he can see that his decision will affect your life somehow, he’ll have more respect for your decision and why you made it. You may feel fear at some point that which fear is often what happens.
14. Notify his closest friends
Let him know that you’re thinking of doing something that could potentially hurt his relationship with them, and let them know which ones you will tell first. This enables him to choose who he wants to share the news with, preventing any awkwardness on their part.
15. Allow enough time for a response
If you wait until the next day, your husband might have little time to respond and calm down after discovering this significant decision you’ve made for both of you. Take some time in advance and give him at least three days before telling him this is how things will be from now on!
16. Don’t feel guilty after telling him
Just because you made a decision that may impact his life doesn’t mean you have to feel guilty. All this is a part of life, and people make these types of decisions all the time. Don’t set yourself up for any pressure by feeling sad or sorry for what happened after you’ve made your decision. It’ll only make things harder in the long run!
17. Be honest with yourself
If you think separating is suitable for your husband, do it. If not, tell him before going ahead with something that you might regret later on.
18. Try to avoid pushing him over the edge
If you make this decision, then let your husband know that there’s no one else involved here but you and him. Try to avoid going into details about what led you to this point, as it could be why he reacts the way he does. It’s best if he can infer what happened by himself.
19. Keep a sense of humor
This is a time when you probably feel a lot of things and will have a lot of emotions going through your mind. Try to keep a sense of humor, so it doesn’t become too serious. If you’re in a situation like this, don’t get down to the point where you feel depressed or angry over what has happened. It’s best not to let it get the best of you just yet!
20. Don’t cancel plans with his friends
It’s a good idea to keep his close friends and family updated on the situation and let them know when you’ll be home or when they can expect him! Showing your husband a little contempt for being out with his friends could be considered rude and ungrateful. In any case, let them know that something is bothering him, but don’t tell them precisely what it is!
21. Don’t let the children be in the middle
When you’re trying to separate from your husband, don’t let them get involved in the middle of things. If you feel it is for the best, then make sure your kids are out of earshot and out of sight before telling him. One less thing to worry about!
22. Don’t start a long-distance relationship
It’s tough to begin when both of you are in different places. Try not to let this become an issue between the two of you. When making this decision, it’s best to keep in contact over the phone and plan how to handle the situation together instead of just one person trying to get over something he can’t handle by himself. Don’t feel lonely or sad
If something happened where your husband left you after an extended period, it might be hard for him to understand why, as well as for yourself too.
23. Try to get it over with as quickly as possible
Whatever you do, don’t drag it out for as long as possible. Your husband is likely suffering and will only feel more miserable when you’re dragging things out for too long. Whatever you decide, don’t try to convince him that separation is best for you because he may disagree.
24. Don’t discuss negative emotions with your husband
Try to avoid discussing negative emotions with him at all costs! This includes telling him his role in the separation process or how upset and sad he made you along the way (this could bring up memories that could be difficult to make). If you’re feeling low, try to keep it to yourself.
25. Don’t let him be the bad guy
Remember, this isn’t about him at all. Letting your husband take the blame for things you might have caused will make him feel as if he’s getting blamed for something shameful that he had nothing to do with. Don’t let this happen!
No one likes to go through a separation, but it’s something that most people have to go through at some point in their lives. If you’re in a situation where you both have to separate, don’t let things get out of hand. Don’t do anything that could worsen things; try your best to think about the future. Your husband might not be aware of the problems caused by this separation for as long as it’s been going on.