All marriages require a lot of work if they are going to last. It is not uncommon for things to be great during the honeymoon stage, and then problems begin. Couples fight, but if the problems in the marriage get to be too much, you may start considering divorce.
If you aren’t sure if divorce is what you want, you need to do whatever it takes to save your marriage. If your marriage is on the brink of divorce, the tips listed below could help get things back on track.
Tip 1: Figure Out If the Marriage Is Worth Saving
Before you take the time and effort to save your marriage, you should first ask yourself if it is worth saving. First, think about the issues that led you to where you are now. If your spouse was unfaithful, you have to decide whether you are willing to forgive and if you can trust them again. If you feel as though you have been drifting apart, try to figure out why. Before you can decide if you want to save the marriage, you have to think about what is causing the problems. If you think the issues can be resolved, you should fight for your marriage.
Tip 2: Figure Out If You Are Being Fair To Your Spouse
When things aren’t going well in your marriage, it is easy to blame your spouse. This might let you off the hook, but it isn’t fair to your spouse. If you have a lot going on in your life, it is easy to take your stress and frustration out on the person you love. The same is true with your spouse. If they are taking things out on you, it could be the stress in their life. If you do some soul searching and realize that you haven’t been fair to your spouse, you can try to make changes before things get any worse.
Tip 3 Don’t Compare Your Marriage To Other Marriages
When you have problems in your marriage, the worst thing you can do is compare it to another person’s marriage. No two couples are the same, and no two marriages are the same. If you listen to your friend rave about their marriage, don’t use their story as a catalyst to end your own marriage. You don’t know what happens behind closed doors. For all you know, your friend’s marriage could be in more serious trouble than yours, and they just don’t want you to know. If you think about your marriage and your spouse, you will remember what makes them so special, and you might appreciate your marriage more. When you appreciate your marriage and your spouse, divorce may not seem like the best idea anymore.
Tip 4: Don’t Ignore the Problems In Your Marriage
Ignoring the issues in your marriage may seem like the easiest way to make things work, but it will do more harm than good. Avoiding arguments will cause the resentment to build up until things blow up. If you start acknowledging each problem one at a time, you can work through your issues. If you are able to do this, you could be able to save your marriage.
Tip 5: Open Up To Each Other In a Non-Defensive Way
If you are going to try working through your problems one at a time, you need to do so in a non-defensive way. Making accusations and placing the blame on your spouse will only create more problems and a bigger rift between the two of you. Rather than saying, “you always,” try saying, “I feel.” This will prevent your spouse from getting defensive, which won’t get you anywhere. If you can stop feeling defensive while you talk, you have a better chance of solving your problems.
Tip 6: Make Each Other a Priority
If you don’t feel like your spouse values you or vice versa, it can build up a great deal of resentment. When the resentment builds up, it can boil over and cause even more problems. If your marriage is going to work, you need to show your spouse that they are your number one priority, and they need to do the same. If you are both willing to make some changes and put each other first, there is a good chance that things will get better and your marriage could be saved.
Tip 7: Go Back To the Beginning
Over time, your career, children, and day-to-day life can get in the way of your marriage. When this happens, issues arise, and the fighting starts. When this happens, going back to the beginning could save your marriage. Take time for each other and go on dates the way you did when you first met. This will help you and your spouse remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place. If you realize that the spark is still there, your marriage could be worth saving.
Tip 8: Forgiveness Goes a Long Way
If your spouse has done something that hurt you, staying angry won’t get you very far. If you want to save your marriage, you need to figure out if it is possible to forgive them. If you don’t think it is possible, their indiscretion will hang over your relationship like a dark cloud. Your anger will continue to fester until the love you had for your spouse turns to hate. If you can, forgive them.
If you were the one who made a mistake, you need to find out if your spouse can forgive you. You also have to figure out if you can forgive yourself. Until you can both let things go and agree to forgive, your marriage doesn’t have a chance.
Tip 9: Laugh Together Again
When marriages are in serious trouble, laughter and fun are things of the past. If you want to try to repair your marriage, try to laugh together again. Watch a funny show or movie or visit a comedy club. If you can find fun, light things to do, it will remind you of how fun things were at the beginning. Laughing together won’t solve all of your problems, but it will remind you what it was like to have fun together. This can be a small step to saving your marriage.
Tip 10: Take Better Care Of Yourselves
When you first met your spouse, you were attracted to one another. After couples are married for a while, it is not uncommon to get comfortable and let yourself go a bit. As much as you hate to admit it, this could be the cause of one of your problems. As much as you love your spouse, it may not be enough. You want to be attracted to them, and you want them to find you attractive.
If you let yourself go, start getting back into shape. When you start looking better, you will start feeling better, which your spouse will notice. If you both let yourselves go, you can start getting in shape together. Dieting together and working out together can bond you, which will help heal your marriage.
Tip 11: Keep the Lines Of Communication Open
If you and your spouse cannot communicate, you will not be able to save your marriage. If you aren’t ready to give up on your marriage yet, you should try to communicate with one another. The more you talk openly with one another, the better the chance is that your marriage will work.
Tip 12: Seek Professional Help
If you feel that you have tried everything and your marriage still isn’t back on track, it may be time to seek professional help. Marriage counseling can be a very effective tool if you want to save your marriage. When you have an outside third party there to listen to your problems, they can see things that you may not be able to see because you are too close to the problem. If you are discussing your issues during your session and things get heated, you will have the counselor there to deescalate things, which will allow you to have more productive conversations about your relationship.
Your counselor can also help you learn to communicate better, and they can give you the tools necessary to work on your marriage in a productive way. Seeking help is the best way to fix the problems in your marriage.
It is important to understand that there are no perfect marriages and couples have issues all the time. If you have hit a rocky patch in your marriage, it doesn’t mean that it is time to call it quits. If you are still devoted to your spouse and want to stay married, you can get back to where you once were. It will take a lot of time, energy, patience, and forgiveness, but your marriage can be saved if you are willing to do the work. Before you start working on the tips listed above, you should have a serious talk. If either of you has given up on the marriage, all the work in the world won’t save your marriage. If you are both dedicated to making things work, your marriage can be saved.