There is no better feeling than being in love. The problem is that when that love doesn’t work out, it can turn into one of the worst feelings in the world. Breaking up is never easy but it happens to the best of us. And, since men are supposed to be tough and unflappable, they tend to hold it all in, bottling it all up, and internalizing their emotions (hint: that is not healthy). This can result in a whole host of issues and rarely aids in the healing process. You have to put in the effort, and take the steps to truly get past a relationship. It might not be easy, but it is possible. Instead of wallowing in your misery, keep reading for our fail-proof advice on how to get over an ex-girlfriend.
Step One – Discovery:
In order to effectively get over an ex-girlfriend, you have to figure out, and then accept, what went wrong. Identifying the ultimate reason behind the failure of the relationship is the very first step towards healing from it. Analyze it, pick it apart, obsess over it, but then let it go. Whatever the cause, it’s over and it is time for the healing to begin.
Mind Over Matter:
Your mind can really prove to be your own worst enemy, especially in the midst of a painful, and sometimes drawn-out breakup. Keeping yourself busy, whether it be hanging out with friends or finding a new hobby, can make a massive difference in how you deal with the end of a relationship. Overthinking and overanalyzing everything over and over is never helpful – which is why you completed step one. Taking your mind off of the situation can really help you see things a bit more clearly. Out of sight, out of mind.
Remind Yourself Why You Broke Up:
During a breakup, it is completely normal to want to focus largely on the good parts of the relationship, you know, the happy times between the two of you, before everything went wrong. However, since people tend to remember mainly just the positives without factoring in any of the negativity, it essentially amounts to looking back at it all through a faulty lens. Taking the time to reflect on every aspect of the relationship, with an extra emphasis on why it did not work, can help you see things as they are instead of how you want them to be. And, that, in turn, can help you accept the end of the relationship, as well as help you move on from the ex-girlfriend and the feelings you still have for her. Not to mention, learning what not to do in future relationships.
Meet New People:
One of the easiest and most effective ways of getting over an ex is by meeting and spending time with new people. It can help you take your mind off of the pain of the breakup and form new bonds. Even if you do not feel like socializing, putting yourself into social situations can help take your mind off of your ex-girlfriend while also increasing the chances of meeting a new, and maybe even improved love interest. Take your time and don’t rush into anything, though.
Spend Time With Yourself:
Self-reflection is absolutely imperative in the grieving and healing process. When a relationship ends, especially if you are the one that was dumped, it can be very easy to put all of the blame on the other party. But, the truth is that we all play a part in our experiences, and there are likely many things that you need to discover or rediscover, about yourself. Once that is done, knowing what role you, yourself played in the breakup, can make it much easier to walk away from the relationship and get over the ex-girlfriend.
Understand and Actually Process the Breakup:
Men and women, for the most part, process pain and emotions differently. What feels like hurt can often manifest itself in anger and aggression. That is why it is so important for you to face the situation head-on. A relationship is not only a connection but it is also a routine, one that comes with a structure all its own. Many times when a relationship ends it can feel as though your life is falling apart, and in a way, it sort of is. Life is going to be different going forward and that’s okay. The sooner you face and accept what is happening, without placing or taking the full blame, the sooner you can get over your ex-girlfriend.
Until you feel that you are completely past your relationship, you should try to avoid the people, places, and things that remind you of her. Surrounding yourself with memories of your ex-girlfriend and the time you spent together will only serve to impede any moving on that you are trying to do. Avoiding these things will also lessen the chances of running into your ex-girlfriend – which is a good thing. No need for all that awkwardness.
The Do’s and Don’ts:
Do Let Yourself Grieve: The loss of a relationship, is, in fact, a loss. It is okay to grieve your loss and give yourself time to heal. Mourning is a process – one that everyone, men and women, has to go through.
Don’t Forget Your Self-Worth: In longer, deeply emotional relationships, your self-worth can end up tied to the bond. When the other half of the bond is now gone, it can be easy to feel as though you are nothing without them. Reminding yourself of your wonderful and important qualities is valuable in the grieving process.
Do Try to Accept the Realities: Acceptance is one of the most important aspects of successfully moving on from a relationship. The first step in healing will be accepting that your ex-girlfriend is gone.
Don’t Place Complete Blame: To healthily move forward you must take responsibility for your part in the breakup of the relationship. While your ex might have been the catalyst, you should still consider what you could have done differently.
Do Realize That Things Happen For a Reason: As cliche as it may sound, everything does happen for a reason – including your breakup. Remembering that reason will get you closer to finally closing the door on the relationship completely.
Don’t Forget, But Do Forgive: If either party has done wrong, allow yourself to forgive. Forgive the ex-girlfriend or forgive yourself but don’t carry it with you.
Although it might not feel like it now, time typically does heal all wounds. To make it through this relatively unscathed, you really need to deal with the emotions that come with the breakup. Not doing so can lead to a build-up of unhealthy feelings, which can lead to future problems including drinking and/or addiction. Even if you weren’t completely in love with your ex, the end of a relationship can affect your confidence levels. It is important to take care of, and focus on, YOU. The better you feel about yourself, the easier it will be to totally get over your ex-girlfriend. Go ahead, practice some self-love (whichever way you want to take that – they both help in their own way) – you deserve it.